Unforgiveness - Usha Chandy
A few years ago, I was diagnosed with a galloping malignant secondary cancer. It was a very fast spreading cancer and although I underwent chemotherapy and radiation, I faced imminent death, and it was a terrifying experience.
For the first time in my life from the depths of my soul, I cried out to Jesus, “Lord, Help me. Please, help me.”
There was no answer. One night as I lay down, preparing to face death, my 14-year-old son, Roshan, came to me with his Bible. He attended Sunday school regularly and had developed the habit of reading the Bible every night before going to bed. That night, he felt his mother too should read the passage he was reading. (When I look back, I marvel at our God’s compassion and the means He used to reach out to me.) Although from a Christian family background, I had never ever opened the Bible in all my life.
This is what my son asked me to read that night. Mark Chapter 11 vs. 22 to 25 (The Living Bible) Jesus said to his disciples, “If you only have faith in God – this is the absolute truth- you can say to this Mount of Olives ‘Rise up and fall into the Mediterranean’ and your command will be obeyed. All that is required is that you believe and have no doubt. Listen to me! You can pray for anything and if you believe, you have it; it’s yours. But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against so that your Father in heaven will forgive you your sins, too.”
These words of scripture came alive and spoke directly to me. It was as if Jesus himself was speaking to me. With childlike, simple faith I believed every word I read. I realized Jesus had the power to heal me. However, it was the last verse that He highlighted for me that night, about forgiving others. My heart was so full of bitterness, resentment and anger. These feelings were rooted in me against people who had hurt me over the years. The hurt was too deep and intense, and I had bottled it all up. Unforgiveness weighed me down, but I did not know how to deal with it.
That night I asked Jesus to help me forgive and to help me let go of all the resentments buried in the depths of my being, unknown to any human being but known only to our God. It was as if a dam burst inside me and I wept through the night, reliving the agony of my unforgiving heart and as I did so, I placed all my negative feelings at the feet of Jesus. In the early hours of dawn, I experienced a peace, which passes all understanding. Jesus had cleansed me, as only He can. I felt light, as if a heavy weight had been removed.
Thereafter, I said a simple one-line prayer for the healing of my cancer. After which I thanked Jesus, accepted His healing (just as the verses of Scripture said), and drifted off to sleep in the early hours of the morning.
The next day, and for the next 3 weeks, my body was tested and retested. The doctors were puzzled. There was not a cell or trace of cancer in my body.
This happened 10 years ago. Deep-rooted unforgiveness had become a physical cancer and Jesus set me free through His Word. He healed me physically and spiritually, changing my life and my way of thinking. Later, I went to Bible School , and today He enables me to help others know that The Word of God is living, pointing us to our risen Christ Jesus who has the power to change lives, attitudes and circumstances.
There is no one like Jesus, our God of all compassion and mercy.
(Usha Chandy is a post graduate in Management from Xavier Labour Relations Institute, Jamshedpur, India . For 19 years, she worked for the Syndicate Bank in India . After her miraculous healing in 1992, she resigned her job and joined a Bible College in Bangalore and obtained a Bachelor’s Degree in Theology. She is now involved in leading women's Bible Studies, visiting cancer patients and counseling people going through various crises. She is married to Vijay Chandy and lives in Muscat., Sultanate of Oman . They have 2 sons who are doing their Master's in New York .)
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